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BDSM 101

By Jawn's Doll Jenn

What is BDSM?

BDSM is a compound acronym for Bondage, Discipline, Dominance/submission, and Sado-masochism. Generally, it is used as an umbrella term for a consenting adult relationship that has some inherent inequality. For example, in a Dominant/

submissive relationship, the Dominant person holds authority over the submissive person. Because of the inequality of these roles, it is important that both adults have discussed, negotiated, and consented to their roles.

What do I call someone who is into BDSM?

There are many different honorifics people will take on within the BDSM community, and you’ll often find that different groups within BDSM will use the same title to mean different things. In general, the active person within the relationship, that is, the person who is doing something to someone else is called a Dominant or Top. The person on the receiving end would be a submissive or bottom. Someone who moves between both roles is called a Switch. When in doubt, you can always ask how the person would like to be identified.

What is SSC and RACK?

As BDSM roles are complementary, though unequal, there is a strong emphasis within the community on negotiation and consent. Nearly all relationships, whether they are for an hour or a lifetime, begin with some discussion where both parties

are on an equal footing so they can discuss what they are looking to get out of the relationship. One or both may have limits, that is, things they are absolutely not going to do (a hard limit) or don’t want to try right now (a soft limit), and through

negotiation they will find out in advance what is and is not going to happen when they go into their unequal roles.

SSC stands for “Safe, Sane, and Consensual.” These words reinforce that BDSM relationships are entered into by responsible people, of the own volition, and are practiced in a safe way. RACK stands for “Risk Aware Consensual Kink,” and

recognizes that some activities under the BDSM umbrella are by definition unsafe, but both parties are aware of the risk and enter into the activity of their own volition.

Is BDSM abuse?

Generally, no. While these relationships do not fit into the “traditional” mold, they are between consenting adults. If one of the parties withdraws their consent, it could become abuse, but that can also happen in a “vanilla” (non-BDSM) relationship as well. To gauge how an interaction is going, those in the BDSM community may use safewords to check in with each other. “Green” means that everything is going well, so whatever activity is going on can continue or get more intense. “Yellow” means to slow down or take a break. “Read” means stop immediately.

Where can I find more information?

Finding more information on BDSM is relatively easy with the internet, though you must be warned: what is seen cannot be unseen! Wikipedia has a good deal of fact-based information on BDSM, complete with additional articles to help explain

some of the other terms the community uses. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BDSM) There are a number of online groups as well, though I would recommend a general site like FetLife if you are unsure of what you might be interested in learning about. (http://www.fetlife.com) Once you join an online community, you’ll be certain to find any number of people more than happy to help you learn the ropes, so to speak.